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‘American Horror Story: Freak Show’: Stanley Lives A Vivid Fantasy Life; Maggie Is Not Into Murder

We open at a fancy party hosted by the American Morbidity Museum. Stanley (Denis O’Hare) is there, as is the ever sour-faced Maggie Esmerelda (Emma Roberts). Behind a curtain, the museum curator reveals Paul the Illustrated Seal (Mat Fraser) in a tank, his chest bisected by various autopsy scars.

But, of course, it’s just a fantasy. Stanley likes to paint a vivid picture.

As Stanley outlines his plans to eventually get all the freaks into jars of their very own, Maggie is still not down with murder (which is incredibly naive, really, considering), and wants an additional 5 percent for having to live in the circus among their future science experiments.

Stanley knows that Elsa (Jessica Lange) is his way in, but when male nudie magazines fall out of his suitcase, Maggie sternly warns him to put some “lead in his loafers” because if there’s anything they hate in Jupiter more than a freak, it’s a “poof.”

‘American Horror Story: Freak Show’: Dandy Is A Terribly Unconvincing Actor

In the Mott house, Gloria (Frances Conroy) happens upon the dead body of Dora (Patti Labelle), whose throat Dandy (Finn Wittrock) slit while wearing his Twisty mask.

Dandy is like, oh, wow, someone broke in, this is sooo tragic; of course, his mother is immediately onto his game and banishes from the house. He leaves, smiling like a creep.

‘American Horror Story: Freak Show’: Elsa Hates Television And Jimmy Has A Go At Maggie

Over at the circus, Stanley works on seducing Elsa. He has her on the hook right up until he claims that he works in television. She would never participate in the “death of art” that is television.

On the grounds, Jimmy (Evan Peters) is trying to rehearse his way out of his stage fright; they have a full house thanks to his role in freeing Twisty’s captives.

Maggie happens upon him and they flirt a little before she offers to read his fortune. She’s obviously sweet on him, because she indirectly warns him about Stanley. She sees a man in his future: “He’ll tell you things, make you promises. He’s a liar. Stay away from him.”

She tries to convince him of his bright future; he needs to run — he’s handsome, charming, etc. That’s when he leans in for a kiss, but gets deniiied.

‘American Horror Story: Freak Show’: Jimmy And Desiree Get It On — It’s All Fun And Games Until Somebody Starts Bleeding

The curtains are about to go up when Ethel (Kathy Bates) notes that Dell (Michael Chiklis) is missing. Jimmy goes to his trailer, but only Desiree (Angela Bassett) is there. She’s three sheets to the wind and refuses to go onstage. Desiree tells Jimmy that she knows Dell is a gross, alcoholic creep (paraphrasing), but that they used to be a team.

Jimmy is still upset about Meep’s death; he still blames himself, but Desiree comforts him.

Lobster Boy leans in for a kiss again and gets denied again before Desiree reconsiders and goes all in, telling Jimmy to make her “feel something again.” (Reminder: Dell is totes impotent.) Jimmy… does what Jimmy does for the housewives of Jupiter, but Desiree starts shrieking for him to stop when his hand comes away bloody.

Jimmy pulls her out of her trailer, shouting for someone to call a doctor.

‘American Horror Story: Freak Show’: Elsa Is Ignored At Her Own Freak Show

And with all that going on, it’s showtime! Elsa opens with “Life On Mars,” but the audience is not as captivated as I am; they’re laughing, yawning, and generally not paying attention to the poor woman. Aw, geez. Elsa just wants some attention, you guys.

People starting throwing things onto the stage, which is honestly just so rude, and didn’t they have all this goodwill for the freaks thanks to Jimmy like, one second ago?

Post-show, Elsa calls Stanley into her tent and asks that he tell her more “about this… television.”  Pull up a seat, Elsa; let me tell you about Keeping Up With The Kardashians.

‘American Horror Story: Freak Show’: Desiree Is Biologically 100 Percent Woman

Ethel brings Desiree to her non-judgmental physician for inspection. Desiree thinks that Jimmy punctured a hole in her.

Desiree reveals that she was originally raised as a boy named Derek; her parents were so thrilled to have a boy until she hit puberty and her breasts started to grow in.

However, the doctor tells her that her penis is not actually a penis, but an enlarged clitoris. She learns that “physically and genetically, [she] is 100 percent woman.” Her body produces too much testosterone, which, in turn, kicks her estrogen production into overdrive, hence the over-large clitoris and the third breast. “Science,” as explained by American Horror Story!

The bleeding was the result of a miscarriage — she was 12 weeks pregnant.

She takes the news with awe; she’s clearly upset about the miscarriage, but is so desperately happy about the possibility of getting pregnant with child by Dell.

‘American Horror Story: Freak Show’: Dandy Just Has A ‘Sickness’ Thanks To Some Kissing Cousins

At the Mott house, Gloria has enlisted some workers to dig Dora’s grave under the pretense of gardening.

“I’m sorry to have killed Dora, mother. I hate to put you out like this.” That’s as apologetic as Dandy is going to get, obviously.

Gloria tells her son that he has a “sickness” much like his father had before him. It’s a sickness of the affluent; cousins marry cousins and breed psychos. Of course, he pins his murders on his mother — had she only let him become an actor, this would never have happened.

Nearly as disturbed as he is, Gloria promises to “figure something out” so that Dandy can fulfill his urges.

‘American Horror Story: Freak Show’: Elsa Is Left Heartbroken As She Is Passed Over For Bette And Dot

“Fame” hits the soundtrack as Elsa beautifies herself in preparation for her publicity shots. When she goes out to meet Stanley, however, she sees Bette and Dot (Sarah Paulson) in the backseat of his car. Her heart drops.

Once again, she is upstaged by the very girls she brought in to revive her business. All Elsa wants is to be loved; for all of the horror she’s experienced in her past, she still goes through life with an open and hopeful heart, and she just continues to embarrass herself. Poor, deluded woman. She’s got her faults, but she’s pretty toothless in comparison to most of the characters in Freak Show.

‘American Horror Story: Freak Show’: Stanley Serves Up Some Poison Cupcakes To Bette And Dot

In the next scene, we see Bette and Dot’s heads their heads in a tank at the American Morbidity Museum. Once again, it’s just a fantasy of Stanley’s. Another of many more.

Stanley pulls over and sets up a little picnic and tries to feed the girls some drugged cupcakes. Bette is all about the poison cupcake, but Dot, of course, is suspicious of Stanley and wary of his promise of an entire hour all to themselves on television.

Bette starts to froth at the mouth, and we cut to the girls in bed; Dot is frantic as Bette slowly rots. A fantasy once again. Stanley, seriously, you’re messing up my flow.

In the real world, Dot flat-out refuses the cupcakes because they have to watch their figure in anticipation of their television career. They’re safe from Stanley for now.

‘American Horror Story: Freak Show’: Dandy Gets Physical, Physical

Workout montage! In his creepy room filled with more children’s toys than a daycare, Mott gets to exercising. Why? Because he’s “like America — strong, violent and full of limitless potential.” OK. Murdering is hard work, you guys, and you need to stay fit so as not to sprain your murdering muscles.

“I am no clown. I am perfection. I am greatness. I am the future. And the future starts tonight.”

Cool — more entitled, rich, white dude stuff.

‘American Horror Story: Freak Show’: Dell Is In Love With A Stripper (OK, A Hooker. Also, He’s Gay)

Later, Dandy finds himself in a gay club. (Which seems dangerous as hell for Florida in the 1950s! Brave men.)

There, we find Matt Bomer playing a hooker named Andy talking to Dell. Dell! Explains a whole hell of a lot. Explains why he went in on a bearded lady, and why he’s been having difficulty getting it up for Desiree who is, after all, a woman.

Something tells me that Dell is not going to be happy about Desiree’s “penis” turning out to be a bootleg copy.

Dell is in love with Andy, and his penchant for hookers may be the reason why he keeps finding himself destitute. Once with Ethel, and now with Desiree. Dell wants Andy to stop hooking, but Andy is not too impressed by his overtures — Dell has no plans to leave his wife, and is as deep in the closet as they come.

Andy’s next comment — “You’re out the door before I can wipe my dick off” — reveals that Dell is a bottom. Or versatile, at the very least. Remember when you had to learn that Stanley is packing? Well, now you have to learn this. (Sorry, Mom.)

Dell promises Andy the world — a place of his own (that Dell can’t afford) and so on and so forth, blah blah, before taking off.

That’s when Dandy approaches. Bye, Andy! You seemed nice.

‘American Horror Story: Freak Show’: Dot Is On To Elsa’s Game

In Bette and Dot’s tent, Elsa tries to rattle them by insisting that the television show will actually be hers and that she’ll serve as the girls’ mentor. She offers to take them to her seamstress in the morning who will make them new outfits!

“She’s angling for something,” Dot says. “Who cares? I’d love a new hat.” Same, Bette.

‘American Horror Story: Freak Show’: Dell Is Not Happy About Desiree Being A Woman

Desiree delivers the news to Dell, and while he pretends to be happy for one second, she sees right through him.

They get into an argument — Desiree is tired of having settled for the only man she thought she deserved, and Dell is as angry and violent as ever. The fact that he’s in the closet still doesn’t get him any sympathy from me — he’s a dillhole.

She grabs her suitcase and takes off, telling him that she’s going to undergo surgery to reverse the abnormalities.

‘American Horror Story: Freak Show’: Andy Meets His End In Dandy’s Creepy Hideyhole In The Woods

Andy, who, for a hooker, has a very poorly-developed creep detector, is not weirded out by Dandy one bit. Not even when Dandy leads him into his hideyhole in the woods. The perils and risks of being gay in the 1950s, I guess! It’s not like Andy can insist on a well-lit motel.

Dandy instructs Andy to turn around and take off his clothes; meanwhile, Andy goes on about how handsome Dandy is, asking him if he’s ever been painted. Painted! For one short moment I think that maybe Andy will be spared. Unfortunately, Dandy’s ego is somehow not that fragile; when Andy turns around, Dandy’s wearing his Twisty mask and he stabs Andy right in his chest.

(P.S. This whole Dandy/Andy think is really grinding my gears.)

Dandy, taking his cues from Dexter and Walter White both, starts sawing off pieces of Andy’s body and dissolving them in an acid bath. In a voiceover, Dandy says that the number one rule to being a good murderer is disposing of the body.

In one of the most grim laugh-out-loud moments in television history, Andy is somehow still alive after having his arm sawed off and Dandy is petulantly pissed off. “How can you still be alive?! You’re making me feel bad! Stop it!”

(Of course, Dandy does end up getting the job done. Probably. Unless Matt Bomer reappears as Armless Andy, spiritual brother to Legless Suzi.)

‘American Horror Story: Freak Show’: Gabourey Sidibe Is The Best, And Rich People Get Away With Everything

At the Mott house once again, Gloria receives a call from Regina (Gabourey Sidibe), who is Dora’s daughter. She’s worried that she hasn’t heard from her mother. Gloria makes up some lie about how busy Dora is, and then asks Regina how she was as a mother. When Regina was young, she and Dandy used to play together; feeling visibly awkward, she recalls that Gloria was not really a present mother.

Tearfully, Gloria tells Regina that she only raised Dandy how she, herself, was raised. “I’m feeling really uncomfortable,” Regina responds, “so I’m going to go now.” Bless her. Cannot wait to see more Regina.

After that jarring phone call, Dandy appears out of nowhere totally covered in blood in the middle of the day. Rich people cannot be this untouchable.

‘American Horror Story: Freak Show’: Dell Pays A Visit To The Good Doctor

Dell pays a visit to the good doctor, and ugh, this isn’t going to go well. Obviously, the most kindhearted and genuine character in the series gets his hands broken and his life threatened by an absolutely furious Dell. He tells the doctor that if he goes to the police or to Desiree that he’ll start picking off his grandchildren, too.

Dell is the worst kind of abusive trash monster. By keeping Desiree from surgery, he’s keeping her from living her own life and making her own choices and continuing to project his own desires onto her. I hope Dandy gets to him.

‘American Horror Story: Freak Show’: Elsa Sells Bette And Dot

Meanwhile, Elsa has found a solution to her Bette and Dot problem; she takes the girls to the Mott house. Remember when Gloria tried to buy them for Dandy? Judging by the scenes from next week’s episode, Gloria takes the bait and buys the girls despite Dandy already having found a new hobby for himself.

What an episode. I think we all learned a lot about the perils of not staying true to one’s own self; only Ryan Murphy could deliver a Very Special Episode about the dangers of intolerance while using murder and domestic violence as props. Brava.

HollywoodLifers, what did you think about “Pink Cupcakes”? It’s obvious that Dell will face retribution by the end of the season — how do you hope he’ll go? And as for Desiree, do you think she’ll stay with him? Finally, are Bette and Dot safe from Stanley at the Mott house or are they more in danger than ever? Let us know your thoughts below!

— Amanda Michelle Steiner
Follow @AmandaMichl

More ‘American Horror Story: Freak Show’:

1. Neil Patrick Harris & Husband David Burtka Join ‘AHS: Freak Show’
2. ‘AHS: Freak Show’: Twisty’s Tragic Backstory Doesn’t Redeem Him
3. ‘American Horror Story: Freak Show’ Recap: Two Deaths In Jupiter